The College Process in Therapeutic Boarding Schools

The student sits in the chair opposite me, tears filling her eyes,"What do you mean I can't get into Bates? My mom went to Bates, and I've had my heart set on going to Bates my whole life!" I want to reassure her, I want to say that there will be a college for her, I want to say after the first term of freshman year she will love her college, but at this moment, she can hear none of it.

Students who have gone to wilderness programs and therapeutic schools need to be helped to understand that their hard-won self knowledge is a valuable commodity on today's college campuses, but that self-knowledge may not repair a spotty or lackluster transcript. More to the point, the students who attend our schools may not be appropriate for the intense competitive atmosphere of a college in the U.S. News & World Report "Top 100 Colleges." Our kids are fragile, and they have often found themselves in our programs because they find it antithetical to their natures to drive forward. They develop more slowly and benefit from a small, nurturing atmosphere rather than the rough and tumble of intellectual ambition.

Practically speaking, does this mean that one would never encourage an application to a Tier One school? Of course not, but it does mean that a student should have a very robust list of selections, and each college should be one that the student would be happy to attend.

College counseling is often the reality check for students who have struggled, refused school, or simply thought that education was not as important as the drama going on in the street. It is in the college process that the transcript is read in the light of SAT scores, co-curriculars, clubs, part-time jobs, and community service, and it is in the college process that a responsible college counselor lines up appropriate expectations. Many of our students' transcripts are uneven or downright disastrous, but the student behind the paperwork is a wonderful young adult who has learned to value education, self-awareness and sobriety. Their essays frequently express remarkable experiences far beyond that of a traditional high school senior's. Their recommendations from their teachers ring with a sincerity and familiarity because these students have struggled and won, and their teachers are proud to have been a part of that growth. SAT scores and grades are often dramatically improved and show a steady upward trend much appreciated by college admissions committees.

And, parents try to hold your own dreams in abeyance; the search and the process belong to the student. And while it is the most difficult thing in the world, it is time to step back and let your newly healthy child pursue her own dream. In a shorter time than any of us wants to think about, she will be out on her own, making her own decisions, living her own life. It's time to practice restraint and let the process move forward.

Here in America we are luckier than we can possibly imagine. In spite of the rising cost of tuition, books, and student housing, there is a rich array of colleges and universities out there. Our children are not restrained by high stakes testing, by social class, or by income from finding a college that will fit their needs. From the populist dream of a Warren Wilson College to the wonderful marine science program of the University of Rhode Island to the nurturing liberal arts program of Millsap's College, there is a college education out there for your son or daughter. And the real objective here is not to improve a resume but to improve a life.